If you walk into a crowded room, you’re almost guaranteed to find someone who is currently dealing with, or has dealt with disappointment in their life. The various causes for disappointment can be universal or unique to the individual. Universally, we may feel disappointed when we don’t get the job that we want or our friend/significant other lets us down. Individually we may find disappointment in our unique circumstances; for instance, we may be disappointed in a specific choice that we’ve made. Whatever the cause may be, let us all go ahead and accept that disappointment happens to everyone around you; however, please notice that I did not proclaim that disappointment is a way of life.
Disappointment may not be a way of life, but it can be if you let it. I liken disappointment to a gateway drug. Once you decide to take the drug of disappointment it begins to consume different parts of your life. It infiltrates your blood and the toxicities are carried to different areas. Eventually, your enzymes will become too efficient at breaking down the drug and you need something stronger. You have developed a tolerance. So now that you can tolerate being disappointed you are able to go out and live a perfectly healthy and normal life, right? Wrong. Your disappointment becomes coupled with another drug. In the pharmacological world this is known as the super additive effect or potentiation. For instance, not only are you disappointed, but now you are also depressed or angry, and you are left thinking to yourself: How did I get here? Then emerges the ever popular phrase: I just want to be happy. The combination of toxicities in your life has caused you to lose sight of who you are and what happiness is. Disappointment has now consumed your life. Where do you go from here?
When I was a kid, I wanted nothing more than to play professional football. Nobody could tell me anything that would make me believe that my goal was improbable. Let me be honest, I knew the odds were stacked against me; however I still believed with all of my heart that despite my 5’11 ¾” frame, I was going to play in the NFL. I devoted everything I had to reaching that goal. I studied the game and pushed my body to the limit. I sacrificed an incredible amount of time, just to put on a professional uniform and have my name chanted by thousands of fans. I carried this dream with me all the way until I played my final down in college. At the end of the day, I just wasn’t good enough. For whatever reason, I wasn’t able to run like other players could. I was not as strong as some players are. I was not a professional athlete. I was not going to make it into the NFL. After devoting my life to football for 14 years, it ended with a single whistle.
After every football season I cried. No matter the outcome, I always ended the season in tears. I always attributed the tears to never winning a championship. I’ve been on a conference championship team and I’ve played in championship games, but I’ve never won an outright, we’re the best team, championship. After putting in so much effort, it’s awfully disappointing to not be crowned champion. It certainly deserves tears. It wasn’t until my final year of playing football that I came to the realization of what my post-season tears actually meant. I discovered that I did not know who I was without football. I had spent my whole life searching for happiness in a game, but instead I had found disappointment.
How often do we find ourselves placing our identity in something incredibly incapable of handling such an important thing? I placed my identity in football and as we all know, football does not last forever. Eventually you have to retire. It’s not necessarily a game either, it could be our job, our relationships, our hobbies, etc. What about the couple who literally cannot live without one another? Some couples cannot even stand going a day without posting a picture on social media. There is also the guy who ignores his family because his business is the most important thing in his life. Disappointments can be found within what we consider to be of the utmost importance. I’m not saying you shouldn’t love someone with your whole heart, or that you shouldn’t work hard at your job, or even that you shouldn’t have dreams. I’m saying that you should not limit your identity! It was not long ago that I thought of myself as just a football player, but that seems terribly boring. I’m more than just an athlete, I’m someone who loves to write, sing, preach, and long walks on the beach. I love the simple things in life. When we set our sight on something unstable or fleeting, we often find disappointment. Am I saying that all relationships are doomed? Of course not! But your relationship does not make you who you are. Why would anyone get married if they were unable to keep their uniqueness? I’d hate to marry someone just like me, I can be extremely annoying! Don’t limit yourself by setting priorities that become your identity which ultimately destroys your individuality!
Disappointment is a state of mind. I’ve heard this preached over and over, not just by ministers, but by coaches, and teachers. You see, we’ve got this idea in our head that things make us disappointed just like things make us happy, sad, or angry. Things just make us emotional in general. Emotions are responses to stimuli. Have you ever been sad for a long period of time and then without realizing it, you found yourself smiling again? What causes us to do this? We make choices, whether they are conscious or subconscious, to feel emotions. We let emotions control us, drive us, and tell us what to do; however, don’t we also call them “our” emotions? I often find myself getting angry while driving. What if I were to decide that I wasn’t going to allow that to happen? Would the world end? Would the Chicago Cubs win the World Series? Who knows? The fact of the matter is that I make the choice to be angry when I’m driving. It is perfectly ok to choose your emotions. Where we get into trouble is when we let our emotions, our disappointment, dictate our life. You may have lost your job or you may have broken up, so own that feeling, own that disappointment, then make the decision that your identity is not found in those circumstances!
I could ramble on for at least another page about where disappointment is found, but I’d rather talk about happiness. I mentioned earlier, that I cried after every season of football that I ever played; well, that is partially true. I cried after every season, except for my last season. The tears were welling up and the water works were about to start, but then I looked at my brother Kurt Odom and he gave me the goofiest grin I’d ever seen. I smiled and was at peace. I don’t claim to have all the answers and I am most certainly not perfect, but I do know this: I’m tired of choosing to let my life be dictated by disappointment. I’m not searching for happiness I am choosing to be happy. Choosing happiness means different things to different people. I’ve negated mentioning spirituality throughout this entire post for that reason. To me the day that I realized that Jesus Christ chose me, of all people, to die for, was the happiest day of my life. It is because of His sacrifice, that I realize how important it is for me to choose to be happy. We’ve been given a great opportunity on this earth, no matter what you believe in. Let’s stop choosing negativity and disappointment, and start choosing love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.