I have never been one to make resolutions for the new year. I am, however, one of those people who resolve to make changes daily. When I identify something I do not like, I immediately ask myself the following questions:
Why do I not like this?
What could my feelings stem from?
What are my realistic options?
What are the repercussions of acting? (How will this impact me AND others?)
Pretty simple, right? Well, I wish resolving to make changes was as easy as answering questions. I have been through enough school to know that some questions are HARD to answer. Sometimes it even seems as if there is not a correct answer at all. For that reason, I think it is necessary to refer to one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite professors:
“We are meaning-making creatures, and sometimes, there is just no meaning.”
Honestly, last month I did contemplate what I wanted 2020 to look like because I could not make sense of 2019. I knew I wanted to be more positive and to practice thankfulness. As always, I wanted to pick up a Bible just for fun again. When it came to relationships, I wanted to be more intentional and listen more than talk. I feel like I did a lot of talking in 2019. It was rough though, so give me a break.
I also wanted to start focusing more on the moment while also making important decisions about my future. I wanted to get over 2019, 2018, 2017…you get the point. New year, new me. Dammit, I see why people say that.
Ultimately, I decided to give up on making resolutions. Defeated, I marched towards the holidays and finally, New Year’s Eve. I watched as my social media timelines were full of posts about being thankful for 2019 and the past decade, or as others meme’d away their feelings about the past year.
2019 was a rollercoaster and this past decade was an amusement park that was not always fun. I experienced some of the greatest moments of my life and I dealt with serious heartbreak and pain. Yet here I am, here we are, in 2020.
Whether you are a resolution person or not, I believe there is some sort of transformation that takes place as we transition in time. Turning from old to new, we feel the breeze of the page as we turn the from one month to the next; almost as if there is new life breathing upon us and within us.
For many of us, we need new life; we need a breath of fresh air.
If it is any consolation, I too, need some fresh air. I need a new perspective. I need more hope. I need an epiphany of goodness. My heart longs for it.
After Christmas, the Christian calendar turns to the season of Epiphany. The season of Epiphany celebrates the revelation of good news or the manifestation of the Christ to the Gentiles.
Who needs some good news in 2020?
I am not talking about the run of the mill good news; I am talking about good news that changes everything. Good news that elevates us from a place of hopelessness to a place of confidence. I want to be confident again.
In a world full of relentless expectations for our time, I want to provide a moment for those who do not feel confident, who feel hopeless, who feel like they have already failed at their resolutions. I want to provide space for those who needed new oxygen and ended up with more polluted air.
I see you. Just keep breathing.
Today…
We breathe out the mistakes we have made.
We breathe out our pain from 2019 and this past decade.
We breathe out our missed opportunities and imperfections.
I hope that God will transform these things into fresh air for my future.
Today…
Breathe in what clean air you can find. For me…
I breathe in a new(ish) job and a new opportunity.
I breathe in a loving family and amazing friends.
I breathe in a new day.
Here is to hope and epiphany in 2020.
Amen.