If I am being honest, growing up, I was picked for most games on the playground. Even for basketball, which I am atrocious at because contact is frowned upon and the hoop is too small. Nevertheless, when it came to dodgeball, kickball, baseball, soccer, and any other miscellaneous playground games you can think of, I was always chosen.
It feels good to be chosen by your peers on the playground. I also imagine it feels bad not to be chosen. Actually, I know it feels bad. While I never really experienced not being chosen on the playground, there have been plenty of other moments in my life where I was not chosen for something.
My junior and senior year of high school, I sent countless DVDs labeled “Michael Rudisill – Highlight Film, Linebacker, Providence High School, Class of 2009,” to numerous football programs at colleges and universities across the country. I received little to no interest, mainly from schools I never even contacted.
Currently, I have countless resumes/applications waiting for rejection emails from jobs I applied to a few weeks ago and jobs I applied to several years ago. Some universities probably have a file cabinet full of my rejected submissions.
Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, eHarmony, Christian Mingle and other dating apps/sites were never my thing, but I have been turned down when I asked someone on a date. I have also been dumped. One time, I was broken-up-with on an answering machine. It was sixth grade and we had just exchanged gifts for Christmas. Upon returning home from a Christmas party, my mom played voicemails from our answering machine (soooo early 2000s). One of the voicemails was from the friend of the girl I was dating, letting me know I was no longer in a relationship with her friend. Ouch. A few years ago, my sixth grade “girlfriend” and I reconnected. We laughed about that awkward moment.
Not all rejections are easily reconciled.
More and more, we are becoming a world of connectedness. Landlines still exist, but we also carry our phones and voicemails around with us. It seems impossible to escape our emails, app notifications, and text messages. We are so unbearably connected it is becoming trendy to “unplug.”
Yet, we always come back to other people because of how they make us feel. Science would probably tell us that when we are chosen by peers for a game, by a school, job, as a partner, we receive a flood of dopamine in our brains. While this is cool, it is also does not do the moment justice.
We are elated, ecstatic, delighted, overjoyed, without words, filled with happiness.
Being chosen is special. We desperately want to be chosen. It is almost as if, we need to be chosen.
Of course, this means not being chosen leaves a person downtrodden, filled with sadness, overcome with grief, speechless, unfulfilled, hopeless…
Not being chosen sucks.
So now is the point where whoever reading this probably expects me to get all religious. To say, “God has chosen you, so be happy!” And, “You are worthy of God’s love so that should be enough.” Or, one of my favorites, “We live in this world, but we are not of it, so nothing else matters!” Whatever that even means.
I would like to think humanity can do better than those responses. I think we can do better than throw a Bible verse at someone and expect it to heal someone’s wounds. We need to move from saying, “I will pray for you,” to praying and choosing that person over and over, every day.
More than just choosing, we need to accept others. Acceptance provides hope for those not chosen. Acceptance provides space while choosing and not choosing tells someone, “There is no room for you.”
Even more, when we boast as someone who is “chosen” it glorifies a reality that does not necessarily exist for every person. It asserts, “My place on this earth is more valuable than your place on this earth.”
Bragging about being “chosen” promotes an unjust hierarchy in direct opposition to equity.
Claiming we are chosen, divides rather than unites. It exalts our own merits and devalues the merits and lives of others. When we praise the “chosen” we choose to exclude, dissociate with, and dehumanize those not chosen.
While scripture does speak of Christians as a “chosen people,” (1 Peter 2:9), we must not become aloof. Christians must be a people of humility, where being chosen means accepting, inviting, and welcoming others. It is not a hierarchy, but a humble path leading towards equity. Not to mention, proclaiming one’s self to be “the chosen one” is not biblical.
As humanity, we must all follow a similar path and acknowledge the damage of reveling in being the “chosen” one. Chosen by some does not mean chosen by all.
For those of you who feel as though they have not been chosen or are seeking to be someone’s choice here are my hopes for you:
I hope you find your value beyond the opinions others.
I hope you discover a life of acceptance and love.
If you feel as if no one else does, I choose you. I accept you. I love you.
For those of you who have been fortunate enough to be chosen for college, a job, as a partner, a parent, etc. I challenge you to:
Find value in the people who have been deemed invaluable.
Appreciate and be humbled, daily, by the opportunity before you.
Choose, accept, invite, and welcome someone every day.