There was a time in my life I thought I was an introvert. In fact, I would go out of my way to seek out alone time. Day after day, I would turn down invitations to hangout or avoid conversation because I just wanted to be alone. The only problem was, when I finally was alone, I hated it.
I hated not feeling like I could talk to someone if I really needed to. I hated feeling like I was missing out on so many things, while friends and other people were off living their best lives. The very thought of “what could be,” isolated me even further. I was lonely.
There are several suggestions these days for people who are lonely. Here is a non-exhaustive list of ideas I have heard that really annoy me or are an example of me being snarky:
-Dating apps
-Get involved in the community
-Find a hobby
-Join a club or religious organization
-Drink at bar and hope someone talks to you
-Pray the lonely away
-Jesus is with you always
-Cults are neat
I have tried a few of these and guess what? I am still lonely.
Loneliness is not limited to single people, young people, introverted people, or even marginalized or outcast people. Loneliness is experienced by PEOPLE. You may have found the love of your life, but you can be lonely. You will also probably feel like shit because being alone in a relationship does not make sense.
You could be a leader, an influencer, a courageous parent, a millionaire, a student, and surrounded by people, but you could still be alone.
Get the point? Loneliness is not a type -of-person thing, it is not a status thing, it is a thing.
There is plenty of research out there and in my own studies I have found, loneliness is often linked to purposeful or meaningful connectedness.
So pretty much what I am saying, if we find ourselves in a relationship or have lots of friends and still feel lonely, these relationships must lack purpose or meaning. Therefore, we should find a new partner, new friends, a new house, and maybe even a new job. Just throw everything out because we may feel empty but the trash can does not have to be.
Hold up, I’m kidding.
In all seriousness, we suck at finding meaning and purpose in our daily lives. I am a person who was trained scholastically in a faith that provides great wisdom about meaning and purpose, but I still suck at finding it.
We need to become more accepting of the idea that some things have no meaning; while also committing our lives to connecting much of what we do to something we feel has greater meaning. This is what living a purposeful life is about.
Finding a solution for the pain of loneliness does not start with the question, “What do I do to not feel lonely?” Rather, it begins with the process of finding where we have been disconnected.
This may require an excruciating and soul searching journey, but a worthwhile one nonetheless. Perhaps it may even ask us to become comfortable with being alone. I am not completely certain what all is ahead of my fellow lonely travelers, but I do want you to know this:
It is okay to feel alone. There is nothing wrong with you, you have just been unplugged, disconnected, and are searching for that electricity once more. Your loneliness does not require a relationship, but never discount people who are willing to help you find your spark.
As always, you are loved. I love you. I may not know you and we may never speak, but I do know that I feel most connected when I share the love that I have been gifted with, to other people. That is what Christ has called me to do.
Amen.