Sometimes I think my writing is a bit unoriginal/redundant because I tend to simplify all of life and come up with one solution, answer, and resolution:
Love
Often when I write, I think, “Love really does change everything and it is the answer for all things.” Of course, I do not say those exact words, but most of the time I am screaming at my computer, “Just love you neighbor!”
I really believe it could change a lot things. Yet, we live in a generation where it is hard to love. We are disconnected from our neighbor and even the people we live with. We may walk into work tomorrow and not speak a single word to anyone. The closest many of us come to loving anything is the like button on Instagram.
There is plenty of research to suggest why this is a thing. So if you are feeling nerdy, google away. In the meantime, I would like to propose what I have gathered through my various studies and life:
We suck at love because we have added value to the invaluable. To us, love is worth this much time, this much effort, this much attention.
With this mindset, we began to question if we, ourselves, are even worth loving.
Damn.
Think about this for a moment. Are we even worthy of love?
I think the church at times has done a pretty poor job of saying, “Yes you are worthy of love!” Not to mention, if they do deem you worthy, it often comes with a caveat:
You are loved in spite of your sin
You are loved despite how you might identify
You are loved even though you have a “past”
You are loved regardless of “x,y, and z”
You are loved even if you continue to struggle with ________.
This is problematic because it assumes something qualifies us to deserve love.
Nothing qualifies you to deserve love. You are loved because you exist.
If we spend our time attempting to become worthy of love, we will never know how truly loved we are.
I once had a professor pray before each test with these words:
“God, there is nothing we can do to make us love you any more and there is nothing we can do to make you love us any less.”
Love is not a transaction, it is a way of living.
Love is not a financial report, it is the manifestation of something greater than we can imagine.
Love is not something to be earned, it is something that has already been gifted.
Now I cannot convince you that you have received this gift, because I have often found myself struggling to find that I am loved. No matter the intimate friendships, support of my parents, and academic/athletic accolades, this question never fails to cross my mind.
Am I worthy of love?
I could quote some Bible verses, but that would be fake of me. I could tell you what my parents or friends would tell me, but you are not me. I could recite the lines of famous movies or copy and paste the words of scholars, but that would do a disservice to the reality of what you are feeling if you are asking the same question as me.
I can tell you this, love does exist. Not the bullshit $5 card, but the heartfelt, handwritten words on the inside. Real love.
I don’t have a simple example or reasonable explanation, nor do I have a solution for those of you still on the hunt. But what I do have is enough of a life spent providing too much value to love that is not real.
Love that was not patient or kind, love that did not seek me out when I was at my worst, and love that did not pick me up and hug me when I could not get out of bed. Love that told me I needed to do this to earn it and love that valued my appearance, my purity, my intellect, my religion, my beliefs, my income, and my perfection more than it actually loved me for me.
To this day when I ask this question, it is never one thing that helps me answer. It is the countless memories of people, words of affirmation, my faith, and so much more that helps me to answer with a resounding: “YES!”
It is this answer that encourages me to help others be able to answer the same. So if you have not heard this in a while: I love you.